Why Stable Marriages Are Not Characteristic Of The Hare Krishnas?

By His Grace Krishna Kirti Dasa

The Hare Krishnas are vegetarian. You cannot find exceptions to it. A vegetarian diet is characteristic of Hare Krishna devotees. But unlike a vegetarian diet, strong, lasting marriages are not characteristic of devotees—at least not of the married ones. Of course, despite the difficulty a number of devotees have in staying married, there are many others who remain satisfied in their marriages and set a good example for all. However, it is also true that in some parts of the world devotees generally do better in their marriages than in other parts.

For example, divorce culture is less of a problem amongst Indian devotees living in India than amongst American devotees living in America. Despite a general agreement amongst all devotees on the sanctity marriage, so many marriages still fail. And the extent of failure varies appreciably from region to region. How do we explain this heterogeneous, mismatch of intentions and outcomes amongst married devotees?

If there is a single, fundamental cause that can explain why devotee marriages have been so susceptible to divorce, it is this: devotees who are most at risk of initiating a divorce do not think dharmically about marriage. They see marriage as a means to some other end. They think of it as something like a business contract.

As long as the contract provides sufficient benefit, the contract is honored. But once one of the parties believes himself, or herself, to be getting a bad deal or finds a better deal elsewhere, he immediately begins to find some way to abrogate the contract. Certainly, the business attitude toward marriage cannot be the foundation of lasting marriages. Moreover, this attitude is not dharmic.

What does it mean to think in terms of dharma? While explaining the difference between religion and dharma, Srila Prabhupada describes dharma as “that which is constantly existing with a particular object.”  For example, “we conclude that there is heat and light along with the fire,” continues Srila Prabhupada. “Without heat and light, there is no meaning to the word fire.” Dharma is therefore constitutive.  It describes the essence of what a thing is.

In the same way, to think of marriage dharmically means to think of marriage as something constitutive of one’s identity. Just as being vegetarian is constitutive of being a Hare Krishna devotee—there is no meaning to being a devotee unless one is vegetarian—thinking of marriage dharmically means thinking of marriage as something constitutive of one’s identity.

If a devotee happens to get married, which most devotees eventually do, then the devotee must consider his circumstances as a married man or woman as constitutive of his identity and pursue his, or her, duties accordingly and without regard for difficulty. Divorce to married devotees should be as unthinkable as eating meat.