Srila PRABHUPADA VISITS BOSTON

SRILA PRABHUPADA VISITS BOSTON
November 12, 1969.

I did not take my being transferred from Detroit to Buffalo very well. It was very different from my happy few weeks at the Detroit temple. But I had just received my first letter from Srila Prabhupada, who replied from Bury Place, London, dated November 4, 1969, and this supra-special event in my life carried me through the dark, cold Buffalo winter of separation from the Detroit devotees. In those early days of the movement, every new devotee was encouraged to write to Srila Prabhupada whenever they wanted, and so I did also right after arriving at the Detroit temple. I cannot remember exactly what I wrote, but it was a general introduction of myself, an appreciation of Prabhupada, the Detroit temple, and the leaders there. It was my first personal connection with Prabhupada, and I treasured the reply from my compassionate guru as a private message from the spiritual world.

Nico Kuyt – Nityananda Prabhu – 1979

My dear Nico Kuyt,

Please accept my blessings. I thank you very much for your letter dated October 17, 1969 sent from the Detroit temple. I am very much pleased to note your sincere attitude towards our Krishna consciousness Movement, and this sincerity will lead you to the highest spiritual consciousness if you continue in this way. That is the special Grace of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. In former ages the processes of spiritual elevation were very difficult and long enduring. But in this age of Kali Yuga our lives are so short and our minds are so restless that the process for spiritual realization must be very simple in order for success to be achieved. Therefore, Lord Krishna appeared on this world as Lord Chaitanya to show the fallen living entities the easiest and most sublime method of achieving Krishna consciousness. His formula is that everyone, in any position of life, should chant the Hare Krishna Mantra. So this is what we are teaching, and any benefit you are feeling from this process is simply the mercy of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu acting. I am glad that you are very much appreciating the association of Bhagavandas and Jagadisha. They are both very nice devotees, so when you have any questions about our philosophy, you consult with them, or else I am also at your service in this connection. Please continue to live at our temple, follow the regulative principles and chant at least 16 rounds daily. Most likely this December I shall be staying at our Boston temple for some days, and if it is possible, you may then come there to meet me. I hope this will meet you in good health,

Your ever well-wisher,
A.C.Bhaktivedanta Swami

After the Buffalo temple morning program, there was a very loose schedule, and things were disorganized and random. Some devotees were doing nothing and others couldn’t cope with what they needed to do. The old building had leaks everywhere and the cold air seeped in around doors and loose window sashes. It was a run-down house with old carpets, uneven floors, and cracked window panes. It was difficult to keep one’s own clothes as they were constantly shifting owners. I struggled to protect my items from being used or confiscated by other devotees who were either without basic wintertime requisites or could not manage their own things, resulting in their always needing something. I seriously disliked this ashram situation. Sometimes we would leave the temple around noon to go to chant downtown, but then had to return in an hour for lunch. It was hardly worth the effort, especially when something essential had been forgotten, such as the Back to Godhead magazines or the instruments.

After a week or two of such chaos in the temple, my mind became very agitated, and I went to speak with Rupanuga. Fortunately he was a kind listener. I described the lack of organization and leadership and pointed out the many tiny disasters that added up to being serial non-productive days. We were collecting at best $5 a day going out selling literatures, and the kitchen was short of funds to feed the devotees nicely. The Sunday feast was meager, guests were few, and there were only a handful of devotees living in the temple. Rupanuga was thoughtful and assured me that he would do something about the dire temple circumstances. He resided a block away in his own apartment with his wife Kalindi and 5 year son Ekendra, and he was somewhat aloof from temple affairs.

The next day Rupanuga gave his solution: I should become the Sankirtan leader. He explained that because I could see what needed to be done, I should be the one to do it. This was a shock to me and I protested that I did not want to take this responsibility, and that the other devotees should simply improve their work. But Rupanuga insisted that I should take this service and that he assured me I could do well. Finally I had no choice but to agree, and I regretted having complained. Reluctantly and timidly at first, I tried to better arrange the daily downtown chanting parties. Gradually I became more comfortable and confident. Within a week, we were collecting $30 a day and selling more literatures, more devotees were going out, and their attire in public had improved. No more devotees with different colored socks, clothes that obviously did not fit, or someone without tilak, unshaved, or proper devotional dress. Seriously wrinkled, torn, or worn out dhotis and saris were done away with also.

I assigned the best singer to lead the kirtans, I chose the place we would stand on the street, lined up the devotees neatly, and regularized our techniques for approaching people with magazines, how to ask for donations and what to say. We developed standard lines that proved more effective to improve our communication with the public. Previously devotees often would give literature for free, or speak to old Polish and Italian women in hippie language, saying something like, “Would you like to get high forever and never come back down? Chant Hare Krishna!” Or, “Look at our groovy book about ending all bad trips and reaching full enlightenment!”

Very quickly we sold our stock of one box each of Back to Godhead magazines and Krishna: Reservoir of Pleasure pamphlets. These literatures were all that was available to distribute at this time, and they had to be ordered well in advance so our supply never ran out. We rush ordered by bus a fresh supply from New York temple. Now we had a more enthusiastic crew and we were getting decent results. I felt satisfied that things were now more organized, and kept myself busy by constantly improving the sankirtan party. I could not tolerate mismanagement, and my natural inclinations as a practical manager began to develop.

Rupanuga and I began to meet in the evenings when he came back from work. We discussed about how to expand the preaching of Lord Chaitanya’s message and the distribution of literatures. I complained that we had no reliable transportation, and thus our sankirtan excursions were limited to bus routes and the occasional offered ride. Rupanuga spoke about how the west coast devotees were travelling in vans from place to place, city to city, state to state, and I was expressed eagerness to do the same from Buffalo. This was the pioneering spirit that excited me. The searching out of souls interested in bhaktiyoga and Krishna consciousness was our transcendental mission, and we were like daring swashbucklers invading maya’s territory- hit and run style. Peerhaps due to my enthusiasm, he quickly arranged financing for a Ford Econoline van as a full-time sankirtan vehicle. No more begging rides or riding the bus. Now we could go anywhere whenever it was the right time to do so. We now regularly went to the SUNYAB campus, Buffalo University, our original downtown spot, and new destinations as we could think of them.

The Buffalo winter was bitter and I purchased socks and long johns for everyone, marking each with the devotees’ names. From the temple kirtan instruments I set aside separate kartals for going out on street chanting and arranged for some flags and a decorated placard on a stick with Prabhupada on one side, Lord Chaitanya on the other side. We had definite times for leaving and returning to the temple, and due to the cold, I had devotees take turns going inside the department stores to warm up and thaw out. Thirty minute shifts in the biting wind was relieved by a ten minute break inside the lobbies of the warm stores in front of which we chanted and sold magazines. Gradually Detroit faded from my memory as I became absorbed in my demanding responsibilities for the preaching mission- public chanting and literature distribution.

Then Nara Narayan Prabhu from Los Angeles appeared one day. He was travelling around the American temples to assist in improving the sankirtan parties. Immediately I could see that he was a very intense person, and there was to be no discussion about whatever he dictated as the proper and necessary style, procedure, or miniscule detail which was to be implemented perfectly. As his eyes were transfixed onto mine like a hypnotist, he spoke as though he were revealing great secrets from other dimensions, and he betrayed no hint of any flexibility or possible variance in exactly how our sankirtan party would be conducted in the future. He had a divine mandate.

All this seemed acceptable, because, after all, this was how the devotees in Los Angeles were doing things. The acclaimed Vishnujana had arranged their west coast chanting groups in this manner (with perhaps some embellishments by Nara Narayan), and they were having great success. We had heard stories and news from San Francisco and Los Angeles about how fast the movement was growing there under the enthusiastic leadership of several noted devotees. Nara Narayan was like a drill sergeant or a symphony director when we went downtown on the street, and the devotees, myself included, had to unquestionably take his instructions to heart instantly. He became very aggressive one morning, and became quite physical with me in demonstrating how to dance in time while swinging the legs far aside in an exaggerated swaying motion. He manhandled me like a puppet, even though I was not resisting him. I became emotionally distressed and did not know how to react. I privately went to Rupanuga and reported on the extreme stress Nara Narayan had imposed on our party of devotees, and within a day or two it was time for Nara Narayan to visit his next temple. We bid him a hearty farewell and promised to maintain everything just as he had taught us. We were all relieved he was gone, and although I myself was somewhat of a stickler for details, I learned there were limits to which devotees could be pressured; it was good to allow a little leeway to let them be their natural selves sometimes.

Due to the miraculous component of sankirtan, the temple was thriving again, and more devotees joined the temple. Rupanuga cultivated and then approved who could “move-in” and who could shave their heads (“shave-up.”) Space was short in our small building, as there was but one small room upstairs, and we had brahmacharis (celibate men) bedding down everywhere at night, primarily in the temple room- the Lord Jagannath deities were thus inconvenienced by all the commotion and snoring. At that time we had no women devotees; only Rupanuga’s wife Kalindi would sometimes come by, usually to enhance or decorate the altar with new photos, vases, or candles. It was clear we needed a larger temple and Rupanuga would take myself and another devotee or two to examine some new rental properties. We settled on a full size two story house only a half block away from the college campus at 40 Englewood Drive. I believe we made our move there at the beginning of December 1969. In the basement we made some bunks for 6 or 8 brahmacharis next to a huge oil burning furnace, which at a few feet distance, provided just the right amount of heat. It was a little scary watching the flames through a small mica window roaring ferociously so nearby, but we got used to it and were warm all night (except when the oil ran out).

Now being several blocks closer to the SUNYAB campus, and almost across the street, we began to get more visitors, and Buffalo began to feel as dynamic and exciting as Detroit had been. I became quite content, busy just about every minute of the day. The temple bank account was no longer empty, and I was surprised, almost shocked, when one evening Rupanuga informed me I would be sent to New York City the next day by airplane to do some special shopping for many essential items that were unavailable in Buffalo.

December 10, 1969.

Nervously, I departed for two days with a list, a thousand dollars cash, and detailed instructions. The New York temple was then located at 96 Second Avenue, on the second floor, formerly being a store for men’s suits and clothing. The temple room had been a showroom, with mirrored doors down both sides and change rooms behind; the mirrors gave the illusion of a much grander space. Arranging with Brahmananda Prabhu to store things at the temple as I bought them, I set out racing around Manhattan. I bought a full roll of saffron taffeta dhoti cloth (we did not get cotton dhotis or saris from India in those times) and a supply of Indian spices, tapioca beads (sego), other food ingredients, and Fuller’s earth for tilak. A Jewish rhinestone dealer on a side street with a front door buzzer and intercom provided beads and stones, trims and fittings for embellishing the deity clothes. It was my first service directly for the Buffalo Jagannath deities, one that I found very gratifying. At the temple, I became friends with some devotees, including Brahmananda, Jayadwaita, and Rishi Kumar. Somehow I navigated subways, trains, and taxis and managed to shepherd all the purchased goods on buses and trains to the LaGuardia Airport. Back in Buffalo with the precious goods, everyone at the temple was satisfied with the fresh supply of unique necessities for Krishna’s devotional service.

Rupanuga was in regular telephone contact with Brahmananda in New York, and one evening informed us of news that Srila Prabhupada was coming to the Boston temple after several months in Europe where he had been residing with the London devotees on John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s estate. An idea to go to Boston to meet Prabhupada rapidly evolved into a decision- about ten Buffalo devotees would travel by van to associate with Srila Prabhupada for a week. Kalindi and another devotee stayed back as a skeleton crew to take care of Lord Jagannath and the artikes. He was arriving on December 21. Hard winter had set in, and the days before departure brought a heavy snow and ice storm all over the Northeast USA. We discussed whether we would have to cancel our trip, but I argued strongly for still going, as I was now very keen to see Srila Prabhupada. When Prabhupada had come to SUNYAB in April, I was unable to appreciate Him at all, but since then I had turned to him as my guru. Following the regimen he taught by chanting, reading, taking only prasadam, serving, going on sankirtana- I was now eager to see Prabhupada. I remembered the end of Prabhupada’s letter to me: “Most likely this December I shall be staying at our Boston temple for some days, and if it is possible, you may then come there to meet me.”

December 20, 1969.

Due to my persistence at going ahead with the trip to Boston, and with my confidence that the roads would be open, Rupanuga agreed that we could at least try to reach Boston in spite of the snowstorm. For weeks we had been constantly on the road with the sankirtan van, so we were comfortable about braving the elements and trusting in Krishna. I was the roads navigator, and had several Chevron state road maps. From Buffalo to Albany the turnpike was plowed clear and easily travelled, but then we had to decide whether to follow the large interstate highways in a huge detour south to the Connecticut coast and then back northeast to Boston, or to take the smaller local state roads that wove eastward through hilly country into Massachusetts. We took the more direct route and found several times that minor shortcut routes were closed due to ice and snow. Often the Ford van crawled along, slipping and sliding, tires spinning on icy pavements that had just been roughly plowed. We were unsure whether the roads were open ahead of us, but we continued slowly with patience and determination through the snowy and still-frozen countrysides. We arrived in a freezing rain by nightfall at the Boston temple in the outlying suburb of Allston after ten hours of harrowing and dangerous travel.

The temple was a large, two story rented house, crammed full of devotees from all over the eastern seaboard, including New York, Washington, Philadelphia, Montreal, and New Vrindaban. Thus as devotees moved about, there were constant obeisances and recitations of Prabhupada’s pranam prayers as was the practice whenever one devotee met another, whether previously acquainted or not. We were at first unable to do much but fall to the floor and rise again, over and over. Many devotees I recognized from the previous month’s Washington war protest event or from my recent shopping trip to New York. Mudhusudhan introduced himself and was reassuringly friendly while I was self-conscious amidst the whole swirling scene. As it was in Washington, the mayhem and chaos was overwhelming for me, although there was much more space, and moving about was somewhat easier.

It was a massive family gathering, with constant japa chanting, a gathering in heightened anticipation to meet again with the Lord’s transcendental ambassador. There was the seemingly mundane also. I was dismayed that generally the devotees were unconcerned about bodily considerations and social conventions, as passing gas, using the toilet, dressing, and drying one’s washed underwear was done as necessary and without much ado or decorum. In such close quarters, it was almost impossible to obtain any degree of privacy. The 3 to 5 am early morning bathroom rituals were particularly public and distasteful to me, so I stayed in my sleeping bag and used the bathroom later when it was nearly vacant.

Srila Prabhupada had first visited Boston in May 1968, and again in late April 1969, when the devotees had only a small downtown storefront. In mid-1969 they moved to Beacon Street in Allston, and the New York temple’s printing works were relocated here due to the greater space. In the basement the Back to Godhead magazine was collated and packed 200 per carton, serving the demands of a growing number of temples. Now Srila Prabhupada was coming to see His new Boston facility and inspect the printing works, which also was printing the Bhagwatam chapter by chapter in softcover books. The press was very dear to Prabhupada, saying it was the heart of the movement and the “big mrdunga.” The overall operation was impressive but obviously amateurish and inefficient, run by devotees who really had little to no clue or experience how to run a press operation. Adwaita had worked at a print shop and thus was the chief pressman.

Srila Prabhupada’s afternoon flight arrival in Boston was on December 21. Almost everyone went to Boston’s Logan Airport to welcome Srila Prabhupada, but I wanted to stay behind. Emotionally, the prospect of being crammed together with so many others in a rush to and from the airport was intimidating and nerve-wracking to me, and I longed for some quiet time alone. My damaged mental condition was still healing from an extended ordeal at the hands of the material modes, having taken refuge of the chanting process only some months earlier. Even my mentor Rupanuga’s coaxing and encouragement to go was of no avail. I missed the ecstatic greeting and arrival of Srila Prabhupada, who was just returning from months in London and very successful preaching, including with the world famous musicians, the Beatles. We were supercharged with amazement and excitement in the leaps forward that the movement was making with Prabhupada as our commander. Of course, later I would greatly regret this decision What a loss it was to forego Prabhupada’s airport arrival !

The Boston weather was cold, alternating rain and snow, and was ice-frozen and dangerously slippery. Still, the devotees who had just greeted Prabhupada at the airport rushed back to the temple so to meet him all over again. Srila Prabhupada’s car arrived as I watched from the temple’s double front doorway and purple painted hallway. New and unfamiliar emotions filled my mind. My spiritual teacher was here, my guide and savior, the cynosure of all my new hopes in a life as a devotee of Krishna. It was to him that I was to surrender; I was his eternal servant. I resolved to make the most of the company of the pure devotee.

He slowly climbed a few icy steps up from the street sidewalk, came down the yard walkway and up the wooden temple steps, entering his new Boston temple for the first time. Devotees crowded in from all sides and a great pandemonium commenced. First there were cheers, exclamations of “Jaya Prabhupada!” and “Haribol!” but then some chaotic behavior ensued. The tumult halted Prabhupada’s further progress right at the base of the staircase, only ten feet inside the front door. Several devotees were blocking his path, just a few feet in front of me as I squeezed closer to see what was happening. Mingled within a strong kirtan with drums and kartals, I heard shrieks and screams by a few devotees, particularly two or three women. Loud and hysterical, they became obnoxious by grabbing onto His feet, blocking His way, practically screaming in His face. This commotion prevented Srila Prabhupada from ascending the stairs, but He stood there patiently and docilely, although obviously inconvenienced. Wailing pleas to “save me” or for “mercy” were interjected with cries of Srila Prabhupada’s name. Several devotees fell at or on His feet and stayed there, holding on while bellowing. They obviously thought they were doing the right thing with their enthusiasm. This lasted for about five minutes.

Finally Srila Prabhupada was able to move forward and he reached his red velvet Vyasasana in the temple room, and things proceeded more smoothly. There was a very enthusiastic kirtan, followed by everyone falling prostrate while Prabhupada chanted praises of previous acharyas, various tirthas, and deities. Prabhupada spoke about London and the deity worship there, encouraging cleanliness. Then he joked with Saradiya dasi, not to fight with her husband. Over a hundred devotees watched and listened to Prabhupada carefully to catch every drop of transcendental nectar they could. Soon Prabhupada was finished and he arose.

At His own request, Srila Prabhupada then was given a tour of the temple building by Satsvarupa Maharaj, followed by a group of curious devotees who pressed in tightly to witness everything. I tagged along, as close as I could get, but not too close either, lacking confidence. Most devotees dutifully returned to their various chores and responsibilities, but I was convinced that my responsibility was to attend Prabhupada’s temple tour.

Near the temple room upstairs was the art department, in a large room with several easels, each holding a stretched canvas and a spiritual painting in progress. Srila Prabhupada conversed with head artist Jadurani dasi about the details of the paintings, answering questions, and noting what was shown to Him with interest and pleasure. It reminded me of an old battle-experienced general reviewing the training activities and war preparations of his troops. He peeked into the rear upstairs grihasta ashram which had been cordoned off with sheets or Indian madras’ hung on lines to create several householder cubicles, and loose clothes and mess were strewn all around- not a very pretty sight. Srila Prabhupada reserved his reaction until later.

Srila Prabhupada then inspected the printing press operation downstairs, which was in a large open room on the left side of the first floor, directly under the temple room. Two large black steel printing presses, perhaps 6 feet tall and square, and some smaller auxiliary machines were set around. I remember vaguely a long paper cutter and stocks of paper. The sharp smell of ink and oil filled the air. Slightly disheveled Adwaita das, in regular shirt and pants and wild red sikha, and ink stained fingers, explained everything and answered Prabhupada’s questions. Now I pressed forward a little more boldly to see Srila Prabhupada closer, His subtle facial expressions, and every word or every movement. This was a rare chance to associate with Srila Prabhupada outside the temple room in more intimate conditions. I was absolutely captivated by him. Although rather short in height, Prabhupada was the center of the universe.

Back to Godhead magazine was being printed in Boston now, but the press workers were having a difficult time lining up the four basic colors on the front covers of issue number 31, and also the edges were not trimmed properly. The result was poor quality BTG’s with blurry front cover and miscut edges. It was definitely an amateur printing operation, operating on a shoestring, learning as they went, behind schedule with breakdowns, but all in pursuit of Srila Prabhupada’s desire to print his books with ISKCON’s own press operation.

Prabhupada discussed solutions to these problems with Adwaita, giving practical advice and encouragement. Prabhupada named the printing operation “ISKCON Press,” and commented that this press operation was his heart, and the heart of ISKCON. Near the kitchen in the rear were steep wooden stairs to a very chilled basement. Here was the collation, folding, stapling, and boxing of the magazines. Many tables had the various pages in stacks and someone assorted by hand a complete magazine and then stacked it by the folder-stapler machine. Prabhupada stated he wanted one full book published every two months, and emphasized the great importance of producing these transcendental literatures. Then, completing His temple tour and having greatly enlivened the devotees, Srila Prabhupada departed for his hotel downtown via the limousine. He was accompanied to the street curb by another, but more subdued, kirtan with devotees already pained at waiting until tomorrow to see Him once more. As consolation, they retreated inside and resorted to recalling and sharing their memories and realizations of all their transcendental experiences in a day of association with the pure devotee.

The next morning, December 22, the same few devotees again behaved very inappropriately upon Srila Prabhupada’s arrival, blocking Him, holding His feet, wailing loudly, delaying his progress to the temple room. Class was from Bhagwatam 2:1:1-5, and he began on a personal note with his gathered disciples:

Prabhupāda: So I am so pleased that you are doing things just to my satisfaction. And stick to this principle and Kṛṣṇa will bless you, sure. Our line of action is not difficult: chanting sixteen rounds regularly, following the four regulative principles, take prasādam, read books, we have got so many books, speak, discuss about the subject matter amongst yourself, and this is the process.

Further in his lecture, Prabhupada tied in something from his temple tour the day before, subtly requesting better orderliness in the temple ashram:

Just like I was seeing just now the rooms of our grihastha, householder, boys and girls. Things are scattered. (laughter) But if you go to another person’s, grihamedhi, you will find their apartment nicely decorated, chairs, cushions, and sitting place, but they have no vision about self. And here, although we see that household affairs, their resting place, is not so nicely decorated, but their aim is Krishna. So that is the difference between grihamedhi and grihastha.

During the class Prabhupada pointed out a Sanskrit word to Pradyumna, joked with ten year old Dwarkadish das by calling him “DDD,” and several times made the devotees laugh. Midway through, Prabhupada again spoke directly to his students:

We have got this after many, many births, mānuṣyam, this human form of life. Therefore the śāstra says, tūrṇaṁ yateta. I am very glad. You all young boys and girls, you are fortunate. I am not bluffing you. Actually you are fortunate. You have come to the right place, where you can learn Kṛṣṇaconsciousness. This is the greatest boon of life.

In conclusion, Prabhupada summed up his message:

So this Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement is training before you ultimately meet death, fight with. So this is the advice given by Śukadeva Gosvāmī, and we shall read later on. Thank you very much.

The third morning, right after mangal artike, before Srila Prabhupada arrived for class, the temple president Satsvarupa das made a stern announcement. He strongly rebuked the errant phenomenon of wailing and howling before Prabhupada, saying Prabhupada was very disturbed at the sahajiya or pretentious behavior. It was warned emphatically that Srila Prabhupada was NOT to be touched or blocked, inconvenienced or subjected to a spectacle event. Thankfully, the disturbing celebrity craziness did not reoccur again during the rest of Srila Prabhupada’s weeklong stay in Boston. ISKCON was but three years old and devotees were still learning the very basics of Krishna consciousness, such as appropriate conduct with their spiritual master.

The thought then dawned in my foggy head that I should more aggressively maneuver myself in the crowd of devotees, to be physically nearer to His Divine Grace. I was like a moth drawn to the great attractive light source. This third morning, ahead of Prabhupada’s arrival, I self-consciously positioned myself midway on the staircase, and I stood out like a pimple on the end of the nose. Hugging the wall while devotees rushed up and down, swerving past me, several times I was told this was not a good place to be, but I held fast, determined that Srila Prabhupada would come by this way and He would pass right before my eyes. Otherwise it would be difficult to get close to him without climbing over devotees, or pushing them aside, something I was not able to do.

Shortly, He did arrive, and my plan proved successful, and I riveted my eyes on Him as He came by with His cane, negotiating each step carefully, surrounded by His leading assistants: Kirtanananda Swami, Brahmananda, Hayagriva, Rupanuga, Satsvarupa, and Prabhupada’s servant Purushottama. Studying him as closely as my sketchy and scattered condition would permit, I derived much satisfaction from the experience, yet became simultaneously more anxious for further close association of the pure devotee. He came within a foot of me on the staircase. I strained my dull consciousness trying to see Prabhupada more fully, sensing that there was much more that I could not see. And it was obvious that all the devotees were doing the same. I cannot remember the class, nor was it recorded.

The building was frigid, due to deliberate economizing on the heating fuel. Devotees were side by side in sleeping bags everywhere, still retiring by 11 or 12 at night while others rose around 2 or 3 in the morning. When most everyone was asleep for those few middle hours, there was loud snoring from all sides. I found it very hard to get any decent rest.

(Top: Beacon Street – Boston temple room shortly after Prabhupada’s Dec. 1969 visit)

A remote corner behind machinery and shelving in the press room suited me as my spot for a few belongings and sleep. In the mornings I slept in till about 6 indulging my nasty head cold, until the early bathroom rush had passed, and I thus missed parts of the morning programs. But I was sure to be ready and there when Prabhupada arrived at 7 am.

During the week in Boston, Srila Prabhupada had some college engage-ments in the evenings. On December 24, he spoke at Harvard University and had a long question and answer session with the students. I could have gone to witness these extraordinary events in an otherwise very ordinary world, but foolishly I avoided them out of self-consciousness. On this date Prabhupada also had two meetings at the temple. One was a New Vrindaban gurukula discussion with Kirtanananda and Hayagriva. The other was an ISKCON Press meeting to discuss Back to Godhead magazine, book publications, and the art department. I hovered outside the meeting room but unfortunately missed everything.

Thus far I my timidity kept me more in the background whenever Srila Prabhupada came to the temple. When the hallway shrieking spectacle had occurred, I had little idea of what was transpiring, and I asked about it. These women somehow had become very emotional about seeing Prabhupada, and I noted that my own attraction to Srila Prabhupada had come to the point that I was anxious for the company of His Divine Grace. Reflecting, I wondered about how this had happened. Why? I had never spoken with Prabhupada, and so far had only seen Him a few times. This anxiety could not just be explained as crowd psychology or a rubbing off of others’ enthusiasm. It came from within, and I now noticed it.

I had been chanting since I went to the Rocky Mountains in July and had been strictly following temple life for a few months. There were results of following the spiritual process called bhaktiyoga sadhana, namely a cooling and calming of the mind, the soothing of my troubled heart, a subtle feeling of swimming in blissful purity, and the increasing conviction that I had found what I was searching for. I could feel intuitively that these results were coming from Prabhupada. He was the cause of my renewal of hope, so naturally I was becoming fixed on his divine association. He was invisibly yet profoundly changing my consciousness

The desire to see and hear Srila Prabhupada had become my top objective; it was a virgin craving that grew as time passed while being in his obedient service. By some supra-mystical process that I could not yet understand, I was cultivating a relationship with my spiritual teacher, very deeply private and heart-felt. I would have physically followed him anywhere around the world if it were not for my conviction that this could abort my progress and his continued blessings. He was pleased with me if I remained at my destined post and met my responsibilities in Buffalo temple. Still, I understood there were two authorized ways to associate personally with Prabhupada- by writing him letters with questions or news of my service, anxiously awaiting his reply, and occasionally in person whenever he came to our part of the world.

December 26, 1969.

One morning was the initiations ceremony. Srila Prabhupada came down from His elevated seat and sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the sacrificial fire pit. He was going to perform the sacrifice himself, whereas in later years he would typically delegate this responsibility to senior devotees. Sunlight flooded the room from large windows along the whole of one side of the tightly packed room. I squeezed and snuggled into a sitting space just behind the six new initiation candidates, who sat directly across from Srila Prabhupada. I was trying to get as close, physically, mentally, and spiritually as I could.

Srila Prabhupada began by sprinkling with His dexterous long fingers the variously colored rice flours from separate containers, making lines and diagonals over the sand floor of the pit. He stacked some pieces of tinder wood kindling in the center. He rearranged for proper access various ingredients in bowls to His left and right. Occasionally His vision swept around the room in surveillance of the devotees, and simply instructed, “Chant!” Immediately the hum of everyone chanting on their beads increased several notches, and all attention was on our ultimate leader. All were eagerly anticipating participation in the transcendental rite of initiation performed by the pure devotee for His new disciples. I asked Rupanuga if I could be initiated that day, but the time was too soon. I had to wait for a few more months. It could be done later through the mail.

I longed for Prabhupada’s recognition of my presence as an aspiring initiate, for some minor exchange, or at least some show of acknowledgement by a nod or smile- anything. I thought that this would surely be good for me, and boost my weak spirits and mangled, battered psyche, fresh as I was out of the material energy’s whirlpool of dangerous illusions. So, I began to stare intently at Srila Prabhupada, concentrating my mind with the thought, “Please look at me!” Although this certainly was meditation on the guru, it was not exactly in the line of mature, favorable service.

For the better part of an hour while the fire sacrifice ceremony was underway, I strained my eyes and mind, trying to reach out on the subtle plane and compel Srila Prabhupada to look directly at me, to recognize me. The book Autobiography of a Yogi had influenced me with vague ideas of yoga powers, and I mistakenly understood mind machinations as being spiritual. I was frustrated as I saw him look directly at several others near me, but ignoring me. I kept up my silly mind projection, pathetically focused on attracting his attention to me.

Suddenly his penetrating eyes locked strongly and deeply INTO my eyes, and I was shocked by the experience, one so grave and disarming, that I have never lost the memory of it. As I looked into his infinitely dark deep eyes, he looked straight into mine and into my very self, a self that I myself did not know nor could even see. For a couple of seconds, I was embarrassingly exposed and stripped stark naked, without the external defenses of body, mind, and false ego. He had but glanced at me, effortlessly peering through my outward shell, and noting my morbid condition of spiritual health. While I was spiritually blind, he was not, and he looked at my soul within my body. In an instant he had assessed all my karmic baggage, impurities, sins, desires, and nonsense. Of course, at the time, my understanding of what had happened escaped me.

Disarmed, I had to awkwardly look aside, but not before He turned away from me first, almost casually. Amazing how a brief glance from Prabhupada could be so profound ! It jolted me, shaking my obviously faulty perception of reality. However I was also tantalized by this experience of higher reality. My faith in Srila Prabhupada as an exalted seer and advanced spiritualist was greatly enhanced, and I then knew that he was not an ordinary person of this mundane realm. This was my first experience of Srila Prabhupada’s exalted stature and never again in my life did I experience this “soul nakedness” in the sight of anyone else.

I understood that I could not hide anything from Srila Prabhupada any more than I could from Krishna. There was no use in pretense. After recovering from the shock, and seeing that Prabhupada was humbly carrying on with the sacrifice, chanting mantras and placing offerings of grains and ghee into the fire, I then dared to yearn for another of Srila Prabhupada’s transcen-dental glances, and although I continued to watch Him very closely in case he would look into me again, he did not. The lecture was superb, although my listening capabilities were very limited.

INITIATION LECTURE, December 26, 1969, Boston

Prabhupāda: So this chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra is purifying your existence.Yasmād śuddhyed sattvam. Sattvam means existence. You are existing, I am existing, God is existing eternally. The temporary existence that we see at the present moment, this is not our existence. This is our diseased condition, crazy condition. Piśācī pāile yena mati-cchana haya. Piśācī means ghost or witches. When one is haunted by ghost he becomes upset of his own consciousness and talks all kinds of nonsense. Similarly, when our existence is covered by the material ghost we talk so many nonsense: “I am this body, and anything in relationship with this body is mine. I am dying. I belong to this family. I belong to this community, nation, this, that, planet.” These are all just like a man haunted by ghost speaks nonsense, these are all nonsense. And the Kṛṣṇaconsciousness movement is to cure this disease. Śuddhyed sattvam, existence. That is called svarūpa, real identification. Mukti. Mukti means… This word is very popular, mukti, liberation. What is that liberation? Liberation means to come to this platform of Kṛṣṇa consciousness. That is liberation. Svarūpeṇavyavasthitiḥ [SB 2.10.6]. Mukti is defined in the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam: muktir hitvānyathā rūpam. Muktir hitvā anyathā rūpam. Anyathā rūpam. Rūpam means form. We are in a form which is not liberated form. Material form. This form which we have got just now, this form, when it will be finished, you’ll never get this form. Another form. Another. Just like bubbles. Bubbles in the ocean, they come out. You cannot have the exact same bubbles, same measurement. No. That is going on. Similarly, this rūpam is anyathā. This is not our rūpam, our form. Therefore sometimes in Vedic literature it is stated, “formless.” Formless does not mean has no form. Not this form. That is formless. But people with less intelligence, they think formless means there’s no form. Formless means not this form. This is anyathā rūpam. This is different from our real form. So mukti means to give up this unreal form and accept your real form. Just like freedom from disease. Get free from the diseased condition and come to real healthy life.

So this Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement is for bringing men to the real life. Always remember this. Caitanya Mahāprabhu says, ceto-darpaṇa-mārjanam. It takes… Just like to cure a disease it takes little time. But if you take to the process of cure, then that is very good. In the Bhagavad-gītā, Bhagavān, the Personality of Godhead says,

api cet su-durācāro
bhajate mām ananya-bhāk
sādhur eva sa mantavyaḥ
samyag vyavasito hi saḥ [Bg. 9.30]

Kṣipraṁ bhavati dharmātmā śaśvac-chāntiṁ nigacchati. Those who have taken to Kṛṣṇa consciousness seriously, even there are some faults, still, they are saintly persons. That is the recommendation of Kṛṣṇa. Because that fault may be due to his past habits, but that is being stopped. Just like you make the switch off, no more electric current will act, but the fan still gives some rounds due to the past force. Similarly, a Kṛṣṇa consciousness person, even if he’s found in fault, Kṛṣṇa says, “No.” Sādhur eva sa mantavyaḥ. “He’s saintly person, sādhu.” Why? Now, the process he has taken up, that will cure him in due course of time. Śaṣvac-chāntiṁ nigacchati. So these who have fortunately come to this platform of Kṛṣṇa consciousness by association, by practice, this is the way. So stick to it. Don’t go away. Even if you find some fault, don’t go away from the association. Struggle, and Kṛṣṇa will help you.

 So this initiation process means beginning of this life of Kṛṣṇa consciousness. And we shall try to be situated in our original consciousness. That is Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Jīvera svarūpa haya nitya kṛṣṇa dāsa [Cc. Madhya 20.108].Real consciousness, as it is recommended by Lord Caitanya Mahāprabhu, that He identifies Himself as eternal servant of Kṛṣṇa. This is Kṛṣṇa consciousness, and this is liberation, and this is mukti. If you simply stick to this principle, gopī-bhartuḥ pada-kamalayor dāsa-dāsa-dāsānudāsaḥ [Cc. Madhya 13.80], that “I am nothing except the eternal servant of Kṛṣṇa,” then you are in the liberated platform. Kṛṣṇa consciousness is so nice. You keep yourself. And for keeping yourself in that consciousness, the simple method is this chanting, Hare Kṛṣṇa. You keep yourself chanting as many hours, twenty-four hours. Why as many hours? Twenty-four hours. Kīrtanīyaḥ sadā hariḥ [Cc. Adi 17.31]. Lord Caitanya says, “This is to be practiced twenty-four hours.” And that you can do. It requires simply practice. Even in sleeping you can chant Hare Kṛṣṇa. Even in sleeping. And there is no bar. In sleeping, in eating, in going to the toilet room, there is no restriction. You can go on, “Hare Kṛṣṇa.” You see. That will keep you in your svarūpa, in your real identification, and you’ll never be attacked by māyā. Just like if you keep yourself vaccinated and if the period… What is called? Active. Then there is no fear of being infected. That is practical. If you get yourself vaccinated of certain type of infection and you keep yourself active… Just like doctors, they go, treat patients suffering from infectious disease, but they keep themselves always unaffected. They know the remedial measures, antiseptic, prophylactic processes. So this prophylactic antiseptic process is Kṛṣṇa-kīrtanam. Paraṁ vijayate śrī-kṛṣṇa-kīrtanam. That is Lord Caitanya’s blessing. Paraṁ vijayate. All glories to the saṅkīrtana, śrī-kṛṣṇa-saṅkīrtana. Kīrtana means Kṛṣṇa-kīrtana. Not any other kīrtana. The Māyāvādī philosophers, they introduce so many other kīrtanas. No. Kīrtana means Kṛṣṇa-kīrtana: Hare Kṛṣṇa, Hare Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa, Hare Hare/ Hare Rāma, Hare Rāma… Or any name glorifying the name of the Lord. That is kīrtana. But this Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra is especially recommended in this age, and Lord Caitanya personally chanted, so we should follow. Although every name of Kṛṣṇa is as potent as the name Kṛṣṇa… Viṣṇu name, or there are thousands and thousands of names…Nāmnām akāri bahudhā. Bahudhā means there is no counting. Innumerable names. And each name has the same potency like Kṛṣṇa. But this is recommended, especially, those who take advantage. This is one thing.

And other thing, to take precaution so that māyā may not attack you. You should be cautious also. And therefore we have to follow the four regulative principles: no illicit sex life and no meat-eating or nonvegetarian diet… We have no quarrel with vegetarian and nonvegetarian. We are after Kṛṣṇa-prasādam. If Kṛṣṇa accepts something beyond these vegetarian dishes, then we can accept also. But Kṛṣṇa says, “No. Give Me patraṁ puṣpaṁ phalaṁ toyam [Bg. 9.26].” Kṛṣṇa can eat everything. He is God. But He says that “Give Me this.” Patraṁ puṣpaṁ phalaṁ toyam. “Offer Me this flower, fruit, water. Like that.” So we are after Kṛṣṇa-prasādam. That is our motto. We don’t fight with vegetarian and non… We are not making propaganda… Just like there is vegetarian society. No. We have no business. Even if a man becomes vegetarian, what does he gain? In this material world, either vegetarian or non-vegetarian, they are on the same platform, birds of the same feather. You see? So that is not our propaganda. We are introducing Kṛṣṇa-prasāda; therefore we invite people to take nice prasāda. So these four principles we should follow. We shall not accept anything which is not offered to Kṛṣṇa. That is our position. And no illicit sex life, no gambling, no intoxication. We are already intoxicated, being haunted by the ghost of māyā. And further intoxica-tion…? Do you think intoxication can be cured by intoxication? No. That is not possible. So these four rules you have to follow. And you keep to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Then your life is sublime. Very simple thing. Very simple thing. But it is simple for the simple, but it is very hard for the crooked. Yes. So those who are going to be initiated, they should always remember these restrictive four rules and chant Hare Kṛṣṇa at least sixteen rounds, and eat Bhagavat-prasādam, Kṛṣṇa-prasādam, and be happy, dance. That’s all. Is there any difficulty?

Devotees: No.

Prabhupāda: (laughter) No difficulty. And people will write, “the bright-faced.” Yes.They have to admit it. Because it is purifying. There is no impurity. Without being pure, how can you expect to reach God? This is all rascaldom. To keep oneself dirty, impure in mind, in body, in feeling, in character, and you want to go to God? Rascal. (laughter) Forget! There is no entrance for you to God.

yaṁ brahmā varuṇendra-rudra-marutaḥ stunvanti divyaiḥ stavair
vedaiḥ sāṅga-pada-kramopaniṣadair gāyanti yaṁ sāma-gāḥ
dhyānāvasthita-tad-gatena manasā paśyanti yaṁ yogino
yasyāntaṁ na viduḥ surāsura-gaṇā devāya tasmai namaḥ

God’s position is that, that the yogis, they are trying to capture God by meditation. And demigods like Brahmā, Lord Śiva and others, they are offering Vedic prayers. And the Sāma Veda is always singing the glories of the Lord. The Lord is so exalted, so pure. So if you have to reach Kṛṣṇa, you must be pure, cent percent pure. And that is not very difficult. This ceto-darpaṇa-mārjanam [Cc.Antya 20.12]. Chant Hare Kṛṣṇa and you become purified, purified, more, more, more, more. And day will come when you find that you are completely pure from all material contamination and you become eligible to enter into the kingdom of God, and that makes a solution of all problems.

So it is so nice. Always remember this, that “We have taken the best in the whole creation of the Lord, Kṛṣṇa consciousness.” Do not try to adulterate it. Keep it pure, and your life will be successful. This is an opportunity, this human form of life, this particular type of tongue which you can use. In other type of tongues you can chew, you can taste the blood and the flesh, and so many things. But you cannot chant Hare Kṛṣṇa. But here is a tongue given by God. You can utilize it for chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa. Don’t miss this opportunity. That chewing facility, tasting facility, you’ll get even in cat’s life, dog’s life. But this chanting facility you’ll not get. This is in this life, human form of life. So don’t misuse it. Chant Hare Kṛṣṇa regularly and be happy. Thank you very much. [break]

namaḥ apavitraḥ pavitraḥ vā
sarvāvasthāṁ gataḥ api vā
yaḥ smaret puṇḍarīkākṣaṁ
sa abhyābhyantaraḥ śuciḥ
śrī viṣṇu śrī viṣṇu śrī viṣṇu

(devotees repeat) So mantra means… Namaḥ. Nama means surrender, to become submissive. Namanta eva. Namanta eva. That is the qualification. Namaḥ. When we utter this word namaḥ, means “I surrender.” Anyone, I saynamaskāra, namaskāra means the surrendering process: “I accept the surrendering process.” So when we surrender to Kṛṣṇa or His representative, then apavitraḥ. Apavitraḥ means contaminated and pavitraḥ means purified. So one may be in contaminated stage or purified stage. It doesn’t matter. One who… Yaḥ smaret puṇḍarīkākṣam, one who remembers Kṛṣṇa, the lotus-eyed…Puṇḍarīkākṣam means lotus-eyed Kṛṣṇa. So bahya. Bahya means externally, and abhyantara, internally. Bahyābhyantara-śuciḥ. Śuciḥ means purified. And another meaning of śuciḥ is brāhmaṇa. A brāhmaṇa means purified. So those who are going to be sacred-threaded today, they should remember that they are being accepted as śuciḥ, as brāhmaṇa. After chanting process for the six months or one year, it is supposed that he has already become purified. Now he should be recognized that he is purified. So this sacred thread means recognition. Sacred thread means one should understand… Just like one understands a man (is) learned by the degrees M.A., B.A., or Ph.D., similarly, when there is sacred thread, it is understood that he has undergone the purificatory process under superior management, or guidance of spiritual master. This is called upanayana,upanayana, in Sanskrit. Upanayana: bringing him more near. The initiation is the beginning of purification, and offering the sacred thread means bringing him more nearer. Therefore the principle is those who are ordinarily initiated, they should not touch the Deity. Only those who are in sacred thread, they should touch. This is the system.

But Kṛṣṇa-kīrtana is so nice that even without sacred thread, because he is regularly chanting, he is to be supposed to be purified. That is the recommendation given by Jīva Gosvāmī. Anyone who is chanting regularly Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra… Śvādo ‘pi sadyaḥ savanāya kalpate. Śvādaḥ. Śvā means dog, and adaḥ, adaḥ means eating. Dog-eaters. The dog-eaters are considered to be the lowest of the mankind. But in the Bhāgavata says that śvādo ‘pi sadyaḥ savanāya kalpate. Even if he is dog-eater, but by this process he immediately becomes qualified to offer sacrifice. Savanāya. This fire sacrifice is called savanāya. And Śrīla Jīva Gosvāmī gives notes on this line that a person born in the family of a brāhmaṇa awaits the sacred thread ceremony. But one who has become surely (?) purified by chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra, he immediately becomes a highly qualified brāhmaṇa. So don’t misuse the opportunity obtained by you. Use it properly, and the life will be successful. So apavitraḥ pavitro vā. In any condition of life, anyone who remembers Kṛṣṇa, Puṇḍarīkākṣam, so both wise-externally and internally—he becomes purified, śuci. Śuci means pure. And there is a verse written by one Vaiṣṇava in Bengali. Not ordinary. He’s Vṛndāvana dāsa Ṭhākura. Vṛndāvana dāsa Ṭhākura is one of the ācāryas. He has written Caitanya-Bhāgavata. As there is Śrīmad-Bhāgavata, he has written Caitanya-Bhāgavata. Perhaps you have heard the name. So his opinion is, mucihaya śuci haya yadi kṛṣṇa bhaje. Muci and śuci, just opposite. Muci means the most nasty cobbler. He eats everything and does all nonsense. He is called muci. Muci means cobbler. In India, when a cow or bull dies, these muci class are called to take away the carcass. So they take it away and they take out the skin and tan it for… This is the original system of shoe-making. And make some shoes and sell in the market. But not by killing cows. When it dies. So this business is done by the muci class. And they take the flesh also. After taking out the skin, the flesh they take. Therefore they are considered very low class, muci. And śuci means brāhmaṇa. So Vṛndāvana dāsa Ṭhākura says, muci haya śuci haya. A cobbler, muci, can become a śuci, yadi kṛṣṇa bhaje, if he’s Kṛṣṇa conscious. That’s all. If he’s Kṛṣṇa conscious, never mind he is a cobbler, he becomes immediately brāhmaṇa. Muci haya śuci haya yadi kṛṣṇa bhaje. Śuci haya muci haya yadi kṛṣṇa tyaje. And even if he’s born in a brāhmaṇa family, if he gives up Kṛṣṇa consciousness, he’s immediately cobbler. So don’t lose this opportunity. Always remember Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa. (laughter) Don’t become cobbler.

Srila Prabhupada chanted patiently one full round on each initiate’s beads, giving their beads and spiritual names one by one. Haladhar das is the only one I can remember. As the fire grew in size, and the flowers, seeds, ghee, bananas, and leftover rice flour was oblated, finally the room became very intensely choked with smoke, and, coughing, I had to escape outside while kirtan continued within at full strength. Most devotees accepted the transcendental smoke as more cause for bliss, but my head cold protested. A grand feast followed, but I could not get enough halavah. I took advantage by helping with the post-feast cleanup, scrounging through leftover plates for extra halavah, sweets and other favored prasadam preparations, if they looked relatively untouched. I had shamelessly become a spiritual prasadam scavenger, and I noticed a few competitors in the same vicinity.

A van of devotees had come from Detroit, including my old friend Loren Fogel, an always jolly fellow. I watched him in the kitchen as he cooked day and night, having become a very good temple cook. This was the first I had seen of Loren since I left Detroit almost two months earlier, and I missed him greatly as he was always such a support in the battle with maya. He sported a bushy full sikha, and as usual, was always smiling, talkative, charismatic, and blissful, while I was quiet, shy, and anxious. He encouraged me to just come back to Detroit with him, as I described the less vibrant Buffalo temple atmosphere, but Rupanuga did not sanction this idea. I tried hard to get to go back to Detroit, and was tempted to just do it, but finally submitted to Rupanuga’s gentle insistence that I was needed in Buffalo, and that I should abide by my authorities as Prabhupada wanted.

Our destinies were separated from then on, as Loren became Narottamananda das and went on to Paris, France with Bhagawan das, and then to India. We did not meet again until 1986 in New Vrindaban, and by then our previous close friendship had been thinned by the passage of time, and we just shared notes and remembered pastimes from college days. Krishna had blessed me- that throughout life I would have few long-lasting friends, forcing me to seek out my eternal best friend in the heart.

Most of the day Srila Prabhupada was at the hotel or on preaching engagements, and I wandered about the temple trying to catch up on my rounds, laundry, or studying the Gita. Unfortunately I was not inclined to go much on sankirtan or to the university engagements with Prabhupada, due to social awkwardness. It was a very private and withdrawn time for me, nursing my head cold, getting enough rest, having some seclusion. I looked forward to getting back to Buffalo and our familiar routines. The Boston chaos and temple pandemonium was unsettling.

The furniture-less double-length prasadam room downstairs was messy, everything spread on the floor, bedrolls and blankets, boots and coats, devotees coming and going, most of them struggling to make some order out of their day. Prabhupada had found some leftover cans of paints thrown outside the rear of the building, and criticized this as being an example of wasting Krishna’s energy. One night I went with the chanting party in the steely-cold, downtown streets of Boston, near the Commons, and I was shocked to see customers at a restaurant cheerfully choose live, swimming lobsters from a fish tank in the front plate glass window, to be cooked alive and immediately for their evening dinner.

Brahmananda, some of the senior devotees, and press devotees were not rising early in the morning, sleeping in until 7 or 8 am as though they were exceptions to the temple rules due to their important and special services. Their service was separate from the regular temple programs of sankirtan and outside preaching. Srila Prabhupada came to know of this and was not pleased, clarifying that the leaders must set the proper standards for all the devotees by their ideal example. Hearing this, although I always rose early and attended the full morning program back home in our Buffalo temple, I tried harder to cope with the morning congestion chaos and make it to the 4:30 am Boston artike. It was confusing and disconcerting to see the leaders chastised and corrected by Prabhupada, and this was the first of a trend that I came to hear of where ISKCON leaders fell short of the standards, sometimes fatally so. ISKCON was not a personality cult, but was based on the Vedic literature as revealed by Srila Prabhupada, and required following the regulations of spiritual practice, known as vaidhi-bhakti. Leaders would come and go, rise and fall, appear divine and then suddenly very ordinary. I would need to keep only Srila Prabhupada as my ship, rudder, and keel. It was not advisable to overly depend on fallible “senior” devotees. Prabhupada’s longtime servant Purushottama left the movement during this week in Boston.

Every other day Srila Prabhupada also came for the evening temple program, for artike and giving class. After one evening lecture, Srila Prabhupada went downstairs to the temple office and spoke with senior devotees and temple leaders in private. I stood outside, wishing I could go inside, trying to hear more than just the muffled voices that were all that I heard. Rupanuga also was inside, and later, smiling happily, he disclosed to me how Srila Prabhupada had caressed and rubbed his six year old son Ekendra’s head for a long time. I was surprised that Prabhupada was so affectionate with the devotees. I wished it could have been me.

December 27 was Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Maharaj’s disappearance day. In the evening, Srila Prabhupada took his guru maharaj’s photo from the altar and placed it with great emotion and seriousness on his own Vyasasana. Then He personally offered artike to Srila Bhaktisiddhanta, and gave a short talk, none of which I remember, and which was unfortunately not tape recorded either. I was in the rear of the crowd, but other devotees said that Prabhupada had shed tears and with a cracking voice had emotionally praised his spiritual master. Gradually my phony notions of emotionless and stoic spirituality gave way to the understanding that full consciousness of the Absolute Truth Sri Krishna entailed not only divine emotions of the soul but also ever-increasing ecstasy, perfect love, and purified desires.

Rupanuga consulted me about how many cases of Back to Godhead magazines we should purchase while in Boston, and we loaded 12 cases of 200 each into our van, a several month supply at present rates of distribution. But with Prabhupada encouraging more literature production and distribution, I projected we could also increase our results. Now, after almost a week in Boston, I became very restless. Although it was supremely wonderful to have the association of Srila Prabhupada in person, I sorely missed the daily routine back home in Buffalo of distributing books and prasadam at university campuses and the familiarity of our own temple activities. For much of the days in Boston I was doing very little, and so I pressed Rupanuga that we should return to Buffalo, and although he entertained the idea, we stayed a few more days until Prabhupada’s departure on December 28. I missed Srila Prabhupada’s airport departure to Los Angeles, being impaired by reclusive tendencies. Krishna had kindly placed me under Rupanuga Prabhu’s guidance, and he displayed much patience and gentleness in dealing with me. But I wish he had forced me on at least these few occasions. Whether simply due to my own neophyte foolishness, or that higher authorities found me unqualified to attend these special pastimes of the pure devotee of the Lord, these missed Prabhupada associations have been much regretted ever since.

The old saying goes, “opportunity knocks but once.” I am reminded of missing half of Prabhupada pastimes in Boston, December 21 through 28, 1969. Now, nearing fifty years later, I try to console myself by remembering the other half of them.